I Am The Other Mom

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I am the Other Mom. My partner and I have to girls, who are 11 and 9, and - you guessed it - I am not the birthmom. Each day I learn so much more about myself, my partner and, best of all, my girls. It is a journey.

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Location: San Francisco Bay Area, California, United States

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Saturday, June 24, 2006

Just Who is The Other Mom?

As you can see from the few posts which have been written so far, this isn't going to be in order of a timeline. I mean, really, does your mind work like that? No? Well, mine doesn't either. While I want to give you our backstory, this is really a blog of what it is like for me to be the "Other" Mom.

I glow when I think of having two wonderful daughters, each special in her own being. At the same time it seems odd to me that while I was right there at the moment of each conception, they are still my "adopted" children.

I have become a custom fit in an off-the-rack world.

Given that not every state in the union allows a lesbian to adopt her partner's children, albeit a "second-parent adoption," I feel grateful that the state of California did not throw up any insurmountable roadblocks. I'm not sure that will always be the case, which is all the more reason to protect our rights. But, that makes me what I am, in fact, I am their Other Mother.

I'm not their father, a role that does not exist in their home-life, although my place in our family is very similar to what a father's position might be in the readily accepted notion of "family." I earn the sole income, I pay the bills, I am gone to work at 7am and home by 5 or 6pm. My partner, my "wife" generally fixes the evening workday meal, and when I come home sometimes I hibernate and unwind from a tense day.

I do not enjoy this position very much, but it is what is necessary, and it is what I do. I would rather enjoy the day creating watercolors, writing or gardening. To be more connected with my girls. Sometimes I get angry inside because I cannot do that with my daily life. That's when I feel disconnected from my family. That's when I really do feel rather like the Other rather than Mom.

So now before I lose complete touch with my kids, I need to pay more attention to them, and less to myself. I think this will dissipate some of the anger that comes from somewhere deep inside. I love my life - I would not have changed a thing (except maybe getting together with Kandy a whole lot sooner!). I don't want to see what we have grow weaker due to inattention and neglect.






posted by Tawanda at 10:55 PM

3 comment(s):

Interesting blog. I am looking at the post date here and wondering if you have stopped blogging or are just an I-have-to-be-in-the-mood-blogger.

I found you by blog hopping, something that is always interesting but not necessarily engaging or fruitful. How nice to stumble on such an interesting place!

By Blogger Maria, at 4/18/2007 5:10 AM  

I am chagrined that you have found this blog and it hasn't been as active as I would have liked it to be. Thank you for your kind comments!

Please stop by my other blog - see the latest post for the URL!

d

By Blogger Tawanda, at 4/18/2007 9:09 PM  

Hi there ~
I found you @ Lesbianfamily.org & wanted to share an awesome cause my friends just launched celebrating everyone's freedom to love. They have been together for 26 years & have 2 amazing kids!
It would be so great if you & your readers could check out FREE2LUV and support this grassroots cause!
http://www.withoutegomedia.com/free2luv
Thanks so much,
Happy parenting!
Aurora
P.S. I will visit your other blog, too!

By Anonymous Aurora, at 9/15/2011 2:42 PM  

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